woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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