I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
porn star boner night. come get it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
