Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
