We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
