My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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