At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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