i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
