you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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