either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
