you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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