I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
