so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
