so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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