I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
How's work?
Spinning.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
