"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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