Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
