ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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