Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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