Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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