holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
