Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize