I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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