So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
