pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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