Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
