it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
