I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
