I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
