sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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