How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize