I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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