Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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