haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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