I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
