i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
