Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
