Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Floor bacon is actually really good
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
