you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
