So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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