Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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