dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I came so hard my ears popped.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
