Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
