My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
