my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
