I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
