yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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