feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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