I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
