oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
