Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
