Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize
