Will you blow on my dice?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
