i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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