I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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