he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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