its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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