so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
