he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
