the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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