btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
