Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
