I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
