and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize