my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
