My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
