It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We left the knife in your bed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You need a sexual gate keeper
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
