Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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