I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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