You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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