My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
