I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
