Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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