she woke up with a sticky ear
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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